June 18, 2008
Language to use at termination
My SpeakStrong blog had a lively dialogue about the word termination and how to tell someone they’re fired. It led to a broader discussion about the constant struggle to balance truth and sensitivity. Here are some of the suggested phrases to replace the word termination.
- We’ve given you several opportunities to improve, Bob, but we cannot spend company resources that way any longer.
- It is time to part ways.
- Separated from the job/position
The word “termination” got no votes.
June 16, 2008
Ask Meryl ~ Barred from the board
When I started my job I was part of board meetings and my views were sought on a number of contentious issues. However, it soon became apparent that the board (all male) were uncomfortable having their practice held up to scrutiny by a female who did not subscribe to the opinion that because they were directors, they were always right. Now I no longer am invited to board meetings and no longer get to hear information that previously enabled me to do my job effectively and to bring about change. I need to address this without seeming to moan or over inflate my importance in the company. How do you suggest I approach this with my directors?
Meryl Responds
It sounds like things changed without anyone saying anything about it. The result is that you’ve made a number of assumptions that may or may not be true. Before you do anything else, I’d like to hear you get clarity on the reasons for the change in the practice of including you. Here is a possible script.
- It was very useful to my job performance to attend the board meetings. Since I’m not invited anymore, I’m not getting information I need to be my most effective in my position. I wonder if I had an incorrect understanding of what my role in those meetings was, and if I am no longer invited because I wasn’t doing what was wanted from me. I’d like to learn why I am no longer being invited and to see if there is anything I can do to get back on the invitation list so I can do my job in the best possible way.
It is quite possible the reasons for your not being invited have nothing to do with what you think they do. I’d like for you to find out. And even if you’re right, it sounds like the goal of speaking is to get what you need to perform, even if the situation requires that you be a bit less forthcoming in the future.
If Speaking Strong was easy, everyone would do it…and…if everyone Spoke Strong, Speaking Strong would be easy.
According to Jared Sandberg of The Wall Street Journal, many managers lie on performance reviews because if they rate someone below standards, it’s a reflection on them.
According to William Lerach of The Washington Post, there’s a conspiracy of silence in boardrooms when CEOs resign in disgrace. The executives leave in grand style because remaining board members want to protect their own hides.
“A conspiracy of silence.” Cynthia Fitzgerald missed the stay-silent-to-protect-yourself memo. She investigated and complained about bid-rigging practices in her organization, was given a bad performance review and eventually shown the door. She is now conducting a whistle-blower lawsuit.
Fitzgerald valued her job, but she rocked the boat anyway. Why? Because what she was expected to do “was wrong. And I knew it was wrong.”
So did many of her colleagues, but they played it “safe” and looked the other way.
If Speaking Strong was easy, everyone would do it.
And if everyone Spoke Strong, Speaking Strong would be easy.
Let’s all Speak Strong so the Cynthia Fitzgeralds in the world won’t be out in the open with no one to cover them when they do what’s right.
Standards of our own
Several months ago I was looking for some environmentally conscious funds to invest in, so I asked a friend who works at a very high level as an environmental advocate to recommend some to me. I was surprised when it took months for him to get the information since I figured he’d just have to review his own investment portfolio. So after a couple months I asked what he invested in. I was shocked when he listed several corporations that have abysmal environmental records.
He later told me he was kidding. But I felt distressed in the hours when I thought that this representative of the environmental movement invested in companies with bad environmental records. I thought - “Am I the only one who wants to invest in things I believe in? Am I a fool for limiting myself to companies that meet my criteria?” I was relieved to know my friend was joking.
However, ultimately it doesn’t matter what anyone else does. We need to make our own choices according to our own values even when others make choices that seem to be based on a lower standard.
We set our own standards in communication as well. For example, just because someone else gossips doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to. Just because someone else ridicules others doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to. When you raise the level of your communication, you will limit yourself. But you can sleep at night, because you act in accordance with your own values.
I’ve created suggested standards for Responsible Communication, which I present in this poster. http://www.speakstrong.com/store/#soc But the best standards are the ones that you know in your heart are right. If you miss some opportunities because your standards are high, you haven’t missed anything.
Strengths or weaknesses?
Employee Engagement Consultant Wendy Mack wrote a post on her blog about energizing work that touched on things I’ve been thinking about lately. Do you focus on doing what you’re good at, and work around your weaker areas? Or do you bring your weaker areas up to speed?
Wendy Mack points out that doing what we’re good at tends to energize us, and focusing on weaknesses tends to drain us. So the real question is: do we focus on what energizes us, or on what drains us?
It simplifies the inquiry, doesn’t it?
When I am fully engaged by a project, it’s not work. It’s play. That’s when I am my most productive. I feel blessed that I can structure my work in a way that allows me to go with my interests / strengths / what energizes me.
However, there are times when you, I, and the people we manage need to invest time doing things that feel like writing with our non-dominant hand. There are times when we need to do things we’re not good at, don’t enjoy, and even that drain us.
It’s always useful to have the discipline to “take your medicine” because “it’s good for you.” I have more freedom to do the work I love now because I endured painful learning curves in the past.
So it’s all about balance. And the balance you strike will be different at different points of your life.
My philosophy is: Make work into play whenever possible. Take your “work medicine” when you must.
And know why you are doing what you are doing.
